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Zefram
02-15-05, 04:43 AM
In shorts, it's the mathematicians answer to DOES SANTA EXIST?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18 ) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are not talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that flying reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them -Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reaches the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's.

A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim considering all the high calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

DoK
02-15-05, 12:27 PM
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations). . .
Nope, that ruined his conclusion - that's too much of an extreme fudge factor to place on this situation.

There's roughly 6 billion people on the earth, and they're in concentrated pockets, not evenly distributed. Using just 108 million people, he would have to scale his resultants down by a factor of 98.2%. And that's just getting him closer - it's still not acceptable to assume even population distribution across the globe. Some areas will take longer than other to get from house to house, and some areas won't take as long because of differing population densities.

I don't feel like doing the rest of the calculations, and there may very well be other errors in his/her math, so I call shenanigans on this "Santa doesn't exist" nonsense. How else do all those presents get under the tree? :rolleyes:

Zefram
02-15-05, 12:42 PM
Thats why he put the word "assuming............." in it :D

LOL, the ending part was the best - "Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now."
Thats why south park make a episode where santa vs jesus christ, because kids tend to remember santa whereas christmas is all about jesus christ.

Zefram
02-15-05, 12:45 PM
I don't feel like doing the rest of the calculations, and there may very well be other errors in his/her math, so I call shenanigans on this "Santa doesn't exist" nonsense. How else do all those presents get under the tree? :rolleyes:
Those present came from a FedEX or DHL guys. :rolleyes:

DoK
02-15-05, 01:55 PM
Those present came from a FedEX or DHL guys. :rolleyes:
Lies!

PCgeek
02-15-05, 09:36 PM
THATS SO WHACK!!! I read the title and I came in here thinking I was gotta type that!!!

Tecleaus
02-15-05, 09:52 PM
One time I tied Santa up and wondered why the hell do people even talk about ************************ like this then i shoved his cookies into his mouth and anal raped him in his north hole

Ace
02-15-05, 10:02 PM
Oh no! You ruined Christmas for me forever now! WAAAAAAAH!

:cool: I wonder what they told the 3 year old who joined Mensa when he pointed out some of those facts...

Nova
02-15-05, 10:07 PM
right the **** o, u either need a psychiatrist or a hot stripper in heat (you get the psychiatrist ill take the stripper :p)

Tecleaus
02-15-05, 10:35 PM
how do u guys get those crazy little things under ur names while mine still says haxor i mean c'mon. Hook me up man

Rudegar
02-16-05, 11:07 AM
here is the rest of the org joke

Foundations...

This inquiry is based on the premise that there is only one Santa Claus. The calculations work out more realistically if you assume some form of parallel processing. A thousand Santas (1 kilosanta) or a million (a megasanta) or more, working in parallel, could perform the same number of visits in the same allotted time with less advanced technology (and fewer vaporized reindeer).

One Other Point...

Who does the air traffic control for a megasanta? A million sleighs and 12 million reindeer occupy a significant amount of airspace. If we assume that each reindeer team, sleigh and Santa needs no more than 5 feet vertical airspace (which, given that known species of reindeer with antlers are quite nearly five feet tall, leaves very little room
for error), then a megasanta requires almost 947 miles of vertical airspace. This also disregards the fact that each Santa must make frequent landings. The airspace at chimney level will be in high demand and disproportionately crowded, particularly as Christmas-celebrating households tend to be densely clustered in the same geographic areas. It seems likely that a megasanta, while perhaps avoiding vaporized reindeer, would suffer huge casualties from in-air collisions.

Zefram
02-19-05, 08:35 AM
LOL, good thinking there rudegar!!!

Yeah, Santa need a quite large area to land, and thus, we'll see many santa didn't brake on time and fell to the ground. A crude but funny way to d i e